Do I Need To Succeed To Be Happy?

Whenever people ask me the dissimilarity in between Life Coaching and Counselling/Psychotherapy, I say: “Well I haven't personally tried the other stuff, but from what people have told me, I guess that it's much more targeted on the issue, whereas Coaching is regarding great opportunities.”

This suggests that coaches, hardcore self-developers and similar people usually go around with a very positive mindset, seemingly inhabiting a life where the sun always shines, and the place in which for each of life's problems - oops sorry! - “challenges”, there is a soothing belief/rationalisation/slogan that makes it all appear like one thing that they desired all along. Lost your job? “Now I am free to pursue my real purpose!” Boyfriend left you? “It wasn't 'meant' to be!” Best friend just died? “Everything happens for a reason!”

Now do not get me wrong, I consider that many of these people actually do experience extremely happy lives. I know I often do :) Then again ... I don’t believe in the conveyor belt, in “one size fits all”, when it relates to the way we react to what is happening in our lives.

So possibly there are times when the relentlessly positive isn't what we need to hear. For those times, we need a good option - one that acknowledges that we sometimes will not be able to avoid or spin our circumstances. As there is success in our lives, and there is also unsuccess, in various forms: big and small, material and psychological, internal and external.

Certainly saying this is simply a reminder of what we really already know. But it’s even an invitation to behave like we did really know it, and to choose, to the best of our capacity, to be totally unbothered by the truth that the world is configured the way that it is (because let us face it, it is, isn't it?)

The old life-coaching cliché, “There is no failure, only feedback” can be an extremely empowering slant. But so could “It is normal and really OK that we don't always get, or will be able to keep, what we prefer to put on our wish list”. Since once we remember that the universe wasn’t designed to be an endless pleasure machine for our every need and wish, life becomes not difficult, but a great deal simpler!

It disappoints me that in the self-development industry the role models talked about are those who have achieved success to a great extent (which invariably translates as raking in inconceivable numbers of dollars or by achieving international celebrity status by “selling” their ideas). Definitely a happy and worthwhile life does not have to be like this?!
It may just be me, but personally I'm much more impressed by those who have learnt to accept and live tremendously well with the unsuccesses they come across on their path.
Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas.

How Can You Get More Money

Few of you will be quite astounded to see me backing-up an attraction in money - Buddhists do not do money, right?

But some of you would really like more money, and are wondering why you still have not got as much as you would like. This one's meant for you, because you are worthy of the best too!

It's generally said that success is 20% skill set and 80% the state of mind, and in spite of that if you consider the way people move toward the aim of getting more money, you'll find that most of them will dedicate plenty of energy and dollars to learning a skill set, but do almost nothing to get the mindset of a winner.

To put it candidly, if you assume $5000 on a share investing program and a couple of (normally free) motivational talks on mindset is the perfect balance, think again. Or be equipped to join the 80% of people - most of them very well trained in the skill set - who lose money on shares.
The same applies when it comes to other methods to maximize your wealth: business, career, multi-level marketing (where the success rate is 3%, actually), poker even!

And, for best or worse, to several more other areas of your life.

So how will be able to you acquire that frame of mind? Well, primary step is to know the cocktail of conflicting beliefs, emotional states, and behaviours that makes up who you are. For most people, there are several internal blocks to getting money, and these are generally totally unconscious. You might have been taught the best “system” to make money, but the person operating that system isn't a robot, it's a person - you! - with human idiosyncrasies, contradictions and blind spots, often more than enough to sabotage the best “systems” available.

A motivational speaker whose message is “You can have it all. You really will be able to. Take a look at me. I have it all. All you need is to believe that!” is having next to no effect on your unconscious programming. He is simply scraping the surface, and actually that's his work - to scrape the surface hard enough to awaken you to the fact that you have a lot more choices than you understood, so that you are prepared to take the next step.

So are you interested in taking the next steps towards a life with much more money in it? Yes? So you will be needing to select a skillset that will get you there, whether it is qualifications for a better job, training in the way to create and run a beneficial business, learning about a share-trading “system”, or whatever you need for your chosen path.

But much more prominently, ask yourself the (maybe painful) question: do you have the mindset of a winner? Because wanting something isn’t enough. Finding out the skills is not sufficient. For several of you, it will even be essential to take on new beliefs, habits and attitudes.

The good news? These are also things that you can learn!
Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach.

Understanding The Need For Coaching

Numerous people generally ask me what is coaching, then I hit upon an idea and believed that it would be an incredible thing to collect together few replies and explanations that I usually give and put it up in this article!

Usually the question has the flavour: “Where can I categorize it?” sometimes taking the form: “Is it like (e.g.) psychotherapy or counseling?” and sometimes comes with interesting preconceptions, spoken or unspoken. “Ah yes, you're the people who inspire people who want to make loads of money” …

Generally people's idea of what coaching is has some point of contact with (my) coaching reality, but there are usually some gaps to fill in, and that's where the excitement starts!

The quick answer is that it's helping someone to get a better life, whatever that might imply to that person.

“So coaches fix stuff?” people frequently ask. At times, yes. If someone is in a awful way, whether it be emotionally, physically or monetarily, it's rational to consider coaching as the resolving of a problem. For example, for many people, the topic “health” is - initially - about moving away from something really undesirable, like kilos, cigarettes or low self-esteem.

Nevertheless, for most of people who consult a coach, it's not about getting out of a hole, but climbing to the summit of the mountain, because they know that the sight from the top will be so lovely. Many people have a vision, or know that simply having a vision to work towards would make a huge positive difference to their experience on this planet. For these people, life wasn't meant to be “OK”, but “awesome!”

Obviously, no-one said you were not permitted to jump out of the hole and just keep climbing up the mountain - we coaches are a really patient lot :)

I have had people who have come because the only options that they could see were misery or medication. And others who prized an incredible and compelling dream, and wanted to make certain that they got there. Not surprisingly, they're just the ends of a spectrum; a number of people present themselves as “in-betweens” also (though nowadays you may see few of them in the outdoor shops trying out the climbing gear.)

One thing I generally hear is: “I've got a friend who genuinely needs a life coach!” Genuinely, nobody needs a life coach (everyone's entitled to a average and unfulfilling life, after all!), but everyone could get benefitted from one. The “friend who needs a life coach” very rarely sees it the same way, of course!

Part of the reason for this may lie in this explanation of a prospective coaching client: someone who not only

•    wants to change some aspect of their life for the better,
but also

•    wants to be involved in the course of achieving that
and that, sadly, is what makes the majority of people opt out (of coaching, and of life in general).

It is not the duty of the coach to transform you, he cannot do that, however a coach guides you to get the motivation, the path, the confidence and the other instruments that are needed for that transformation.

What is it that people generally choose to change? Well, there's health wealth relationships career emotions business wellbeing romance share-trading family spiritual stuff direction and of course plenty of other choices ... and yes, you're allowed into the restaurant even before you have read the menu!

So how's it done?

Alchemy!

Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas.

Life Isn't Fair: Ajahn Sumedho

This is one among my extremely favourite quotes …

But wait, I listen to you say, surely fairness is a wonderful thing, a value that we can all subscribe to?! Well, yes. And no. Just like you, I love to be fair, and perhaps also like you, I feel I have let myself and others down if I do not live up to my values of fairness.

But have you seen that there are other individuals who at times behave in a way that we do not find fair? And what about our external conditions? They sometimes seem to have a rather shaky concept of what will be fair for us. And as for microbes, they simply do not appear to get it at all!

Now hang on a bit, you may be saying, surely these self-development articles are supposed to be positive and tell us that everything is possible if only we have the right attitude? Well yes. And there are times when we need to see where the troubles are and make a wise decision as to whether to blast into, or walk round those troubles.

In fact, it is precisely the near-universal attraction of the thought of fairness that makes it so problematic (and hence possibly one of those problems that are best to walk about). It is, at least in our culture, a very emotionally charged thought, and we are encouraged to see a great deal more of our experience through a “fairness filter”. As this is really an “unfairness filter” - we're told to look for, and feel greater or smaller degrees of outrage at, unfairness, instead of rejoicing at all the fairness in our world - it is a painful burden to bear, especially when we have let ourselves be persuaded that we're on the receiving (read: victim) end.

What I like about Ajahn Sumedho's statement is that it accepts that we simply cannot anticipate the type of fairness that we have been encouraged (very unhelpfully) to suppose is our entitlement, not because we do not deserve it, not because anyone has done anything wrong, but for the reason that we live in a world where fairness, as we commonly understand it, cannot be assured. What a relief to realize that what used to look like a issue turns out just to be the usual everyday state of affairs! Nothing to get upset about, just another bit of life's ever-changing scenery.

An additional problem with the word “fair”, of course, is that it can be used as a convenient shorthand for “I want”. Isn't it surprising how often both sides in a conflict actually believe that their belief is “fair” and their rival's isn't? But possibly that's a topic for one more article!

So while fairness is an ideal I'll always strive for within myself, I choose to let go of the unproductive expectation of fairness from others, or from the broader Universe. Because that letting go has allowed me to wipe away a lot of tears.

Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit  for more information on http://livethedifference.com.au

What Is Coaching?

Numerous different people ask me this question, so I thought it might be great fun to collect together some of the answers I give and turn them into this article!

Usually the question has the hint of: “Where can I categorize it?” sometimes taking the form: “Is it like (e.g.) psychiatric therapy or counseling?” and at times comes with interesting preconceptions, spoken or implicit. “Ah yes, you're the people who motivate people who want to make lots of money” …

Normally people's idea of what coaching is has some point of contact with (my) coaching reality, but there are quite usually some gaps to fill in, and that is where the excitement begins!

The quick answer is that it's helping someone to accomplish a better life, whatever that might signify to that person.

“So coaches fix stuff?” people normally ask. At times, yes. If someone is in a awful way, whether it be emotionally, physically or monetarily, it's reasonable to check out coaching as the resolving of a problem. For instance, for many people, the topic “health” is - to begin with - about moving away from something really undesirable, such as kilos, cigarettes or low self-esteem.

However, for most of people who consult a coach, it's not regarding getting out of a hole, but climbing to the peak of the mountain, as they are aware that the sight from the top will be so lovely. Several people have a vision, or know that simply having a vision to work in the direction of can make a huge positive difference to their experience on this planet. For these people, life wasn't meant to be “OK”, but “great!”

Certainly, no-one said you weren't permitted to jump out of the hole and just keep climbing up the mountain - we coaches are a really tolerant lot :)

I have had clients who have come because the only alternatives that they could see were misery or medication. And others who treasured an excellent and compelling dream, and wanted to ensure that they got there. Not surprisingly, they're just the ends of a spectrum; plenty of people present themselves as “in-betweens” as well (although nowadays you may see few of them in the outdoor shops checking out the climbing gear.)

One thing I generally hear is: “I've got a friend who genuinely needs a life coach!” Actually, nobody needs a life coach (everyone's entitled to a mediocre and unfulfilling life, after all!), but every person could be benefitted from one. The “friend who needs a life coach” very rarely sees it the same way, of course!

Part of the reason for this might lie in this description of a potential coaching client: someone who not only

•    wants to transform some aspect of their life for the better,
but also

•    wants to be engaged in the process of achieving that
and that, unfortunately, is what makes the majority of people opt out (of coaching, and of life on the whole).

It is not the responsibility of the coach to change you, he will not be able to do that, however a coach guides you to get the inspiration, the path, the confidence and the other instruments that are required for that transformation.

What is it that people usually choose to change? Well, there's health wealth relationships career emotions business wellbeing romance share-trading family spiritual stuff direction and of course plenty of other options ... and yes, you're allowed into the restaurant even before you have read the menu!

So how's it done?

Alchemy!

Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit for more information on http://livethedifference.com.au.

Give Me Convenience Or Give Me Death- A Famous Quote Of The Dead Kennedys

Back in the 1770s a battle raged between the forces of the British Empire and its American colonists. The colonists were making a lifestyle choice, a decision for what they felt was most vital for their future happiness. They were willing to fight to achieve it, and, if required, to put down their lives; a prominent fighter in the colonial army summarised: “Give me liberty or give me death!”

Fast forward two hundred years, and this motivating quote found new life, even if in a transformed form to mirror the transformed world we live in. Like many punk bands the Dead Kennedys were social commentators, and so named one of their albums “Give me convenience or give me death."

Easy to be impressed by this. Easy to see the cleverness. Easy, too, to look beyond the wisdom.

Whatever we say, we are a really (financially!) rich society, and we can have all sorts of things to make life more easier. Of course that tempts us to think that if it's there, we should at all times get it. Which is a recipe for pain.

A key cause of sorrow here in Melbourne is that our public transport system is perceived as bothersome. Ever travelled on Indian Railways? No definitely not, and that's irrelevant as Someone Must Fix My World So That I Can Have The Convenience I Need/”Need”.
In fact I do not think I've ever been on an Indian train that was more than 8 hours late - seemingly that's a really lucky run :) There's no culture of ease in India; why would you need one?

Perhaps because of our sad perceptions about public transport, and the need for convenience, one's own personal car is widely thought of as a need, and people here normally see me as if I come from Mars when I say I've never had a driving lesson. The truth is, I look at the poor car drivers and I truly think I am happier without what they've been brainwashed into thinking is convenient. First up there is the yearly cost of running/paying off a car; I consider it as a 6 week trip to Europe or 3-6 months in Asia, but I'm sure other people would find an abundance of other exciting ways to spend the $$. And then you must add in the traffic jams, searching for a park, having to stay sober, speeding tickets, road rage … “But it makes it easy to go away for the weekend” they say - apparently that makes it all worthwhile.

A couple of people have shown me their i-Whatever of late. You can tap it and as well as music, the internet, and a readout of your location provided by a space satellite (“My goodness! I am in my house!”), you can find the GDP statistics for all the nations in Africa.

“Convenience” in 2010 evidently means spending more time tapping a little object as you walk down the street. But does it make your life happier?
Maybe even a bit?
Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach

Coaching- Learn All You Need To Know

A number of different people put forth this question to me, so I deemed it might be great fun to gather together some of the responses I give and turn them into this article!

Usually the question has the hint of: “Where can I file it?” occasionally taking the form: “Is it like (e.g.) psychiatric therapy or counseling?” and at times comes with interesting preconceptions, express or unspoken. “Ah yes, you're the people who inspire people who mean to make loads of money” …

Usually people's idea of what coaching is has some point of contact with (my) coaching reality, but there are quite usually some gaps to fill in, and that is where the excitement begins!

The quick answer is that it's assisting someone to accomplish a better life, whatever that might signify to that person.

“So coaches fix stuff?” people normally ask. At times, yes. If someone is in a bad way, regardless of whether it be emotionally, physically or monetarily, it's reasonable to consider coaching as the resolving of a problem. For instance, for several people, the topic “health” is - to begin with - about moving away from something really undesirable, like kilos, cigarettes or low self-esteem.

However, for most of people who consult a coach, it's not about getting out of a hole, but climbing to the summit of the mountain, because they know that the view from the top will be so wonderful. Many people have a vision, or know that simply having a vision to work towards would make a big positive difference to their experience on this planet. For these people, life wasn't meant to be “OK”, but “amazing!”

Obviously, no-one said you weren't permitted to jump out of the hole and just keep climbing up the mountain - we coaches are a fairly patient lot :)

I have had people who have come as the only options that they could see were misery or medication. And others who cherished an incredible and compelling dream, and wanted to make sure that they got there. Not astonishingly, they're just the ends of a spectrum; a number of people present themselves as “in-betweens” as well (though nowadays you may see few of them in the outdoor shops trying out the climbing gear.)

One thing I frequently hear is: “I've got a friend who really needs a life coach!” Frankly, nobody needs a life coach (everyone's entitled to a average and unfulfilling life, after all!), but every person could benefit from one. The “friend who needs a life coach” seldom sees it the same way, of course!

Part of the reason for this might lie in this description of a potential coaching client: someone who not only

•    needs to transform some feature of their life for the better,
but also

•    wants to be involved in the process of accomplishing that
and that, unfortunately, is what makes the majority of people opt out (of coaching, and of life normally).

It is not the responsibility of the coach to transform you, he cannot do that, however a coach guides you to get the inspiration, the path, the confidence and the other instruments that are required for that transformation.

What is it that people generally choose to change? Well, there's health wealth relationships career emotions business wellbeing romance share-trading family spiritual stuff direction and of course plenty of other opportunity ... and yes, you're allowed into the restaurant even before you have read the menu!

So how's it done?

Alchemy!

Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit  http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach